So much to love, here - the opening sequence is so incredibly tense, and Neal's rage and the sense of having worked himself up to the point of no return and everything spinning out of control comes through wonderfully.
And his reaction afterwards feels right, too - he's not okay but he doesn't fall apart because he can't, because his self-protective instincts kick in without him even thinking about it, and he's fine with everyone being pissed at him but then Elizabeth shows up and offers compassion and support and he has no idea what this is or how to deal with it. Which is very much who Neal is and especially fits with how I see him in the canon aftermath of Point Blank - he's just too raw, there, to be able to accept comfort when it's offered.
And I love the restrained, understated panic and helplessness leading up to where he finds out about Mozzie, and his bafflement at Peter's reaction and concern. (And Peter's utter bafflement about the flowers. Oh, BOYS. They're adorable!)
And this:
"I'm sorry," Neal offers. And he is, though he can't tell if he's sorry that he ran off to put his own plan in motion or just sorry that he screwed it up and got Peter hurt. Peter would probably like him to be sorry for both, if he even saw a distinction.
But that's the thing. They are distinct, and for all that Neal knows Peter is disappointed when he falls back on the con, the con is still a damn good way to get things done. It's his skillset. His instinct. It would make about as much sense for him to feel guilty for breathing.
Over the course of his life he's learned a lot of things, and foremost among those is that if you find something that works, you employ it. Being a part of Peter's life is like having a panoramic view into some strange other world where trust can be a fact of existence instead of a commodity; where people walk around with obvious cares and vulnerabilities, all vulnerable to exploitation, and don't think too much about that; where the right thing to do can fly straight in the face of self-interest, poetic justice, and common sense.
He's not made for that world.
THIS OMG. This is Neal. And it's something that many fan writers (and the show writers, occasionally, IMO) miss or lose sight of - the con isn't something Neal turns to because he's lazy, or immature, or has no impulse control, or wants to make other people's lives difficult. It's something he turns to because he can trust that it works.
Neal isn't a child. He's an adult with a different, slightly skewed set of values formed by a very different set of life circumstances, and he and Peter love each other but their moral codes overlap only in some places but not in others.
I love that Neal is truly, desperately sorry that Peter got hurt, and says so, and accepts his own responsibility for that and its consequences - but that being sorry for failing to adequately protect innocent bystanders isn't the same thing as being sorry for seeking vengeance in the first place. And that he doesn't actually promise not to go off on his own again.
He's sorry Peter got hurt, and he's coming around to realizing that trying to shoot people isn't a good solution for anything, but he is never going to come around to accepting the idea that stepping back and letting the law deal with things is an appropriate way to handle the death of someone he loves.
(And Peter sees that, I think; he hears what Neal is saying and what Neal isn't saying, and he also sees that this is the very best Neal is capable of giving him right now, and OMG they love each other so much but there's that tension between their love for each other and the ways their respective most important values will never totally align and you capture that beautifully and it hurts.)
And, um, wow, long comment is long.
Welcome to White Collar fandom! *offers welcome basket of carrots and chocolate for your plotbunnies* I hope to see more fic from you!
no subject
So much to love, here - the opening sequence is so incredibly tense, and Neal's rage and the sense of having worked himself up to the point of no return and everything spinning out of control comes through wonderfully.
And his reaction afterwards feels right, too - he's not okay but he doesn't fall apart because he can't, because his self-protective instincts kick in without him even thinking about it, and he's fine with everyone being pissed at him but then Elizabeth shows up and offers compassion and support and he has no idea what this is or how to deal with it. Which is very much who Neal is and especially fits with how I see him in the canon aftermath of Point Blank - he's just too raw, there, to be able to accept comfort when it's offered.
And I love the restrained, understated panic and helplessness leading up to where he finds out about Mozzie, and his bafflement at Peter's reaction and concern. (And Peter's utter bafflement about the flowers. Oh, BOYS. They're adorable!)
And this:
"I'm sorry," Neal offers. And he is, though he can't tell if he's sorry that he ran off to put his own plan in motion or just sorry that he screwed it up and got Peter hurt. Peter would probably like him to be sorry for both, if he even saw a distinction.
But that's the thing. They are distinct, and for all that Neal knows Peter is disappointed when he falls back on the con, the con is still a damn good way to get things done. It's his skillset. His instinct. It would make about as much sense for him to feel guilty for breathing.
Over the course of his life he's learned a lot of things, and foremost among those is that if you find something that works, you employ it. Being a part of Peter's life is like having a panoramic view into some strange other world where trust can be a fact of existence instead of a commodity; where people walk around with obvious cares and vulnerabilities, all vulnerable to exploitation, and don't think too much about that; where the right thing to do can fly straight in the face of self-interest, poetic justice, and common sense.
He's not made for that world.
THIS OMG. This is Neal. And it's something that many fan writers (and the show writers, occasionally, IMO) miss or lose sight of - the con isn't something Neal turns to because he's lazy, or immature, or has no impulse control, or wants to make other people's lives difficult. It's something he turns to because he can trust that it works.
Neal isn't a child. He's an adult with a different, slightly skewed set of values formed by a very different set of life circumstances, and he and Peter love each other but their moral codes overlap only in some places but not in others.
I love that Neal is truly, desperately sorry that Peter got hurt, and says so, and accepts his own responsibility for that and its consequences - but that being sorry for failing to adequately protect innocent bystanders isn't the same thing as being sorry for seeking vengeance in the first place. And that he doesn't actually promise not to go off on his own again.
He's sorry Peter got hurt, and he's coming around to realizing that trying to shoot people isn't a good solution for anything, but he is never going to come around to accepting the idea that stepping back and letting the law deal with things is an appropriate way to handle the death of someone he loves.
(And Peter sees that, I think; he hears what Neal is saying and what Neal isn't saying, and he also sees that this is the very best Neal is capable of giving him right now, and OMG they love each other so much but there's that tension between their love for each other and the ways their respective most important values will never totally align and you capture that beautifully and it hurts.)
And, um, wow, long comment is long.
Welcome to White Collar fandom! *offers welcome basket of carrots and chocolate for your plotbunnies* I hope to see more fic from you!